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Cynthia - Wedding Etiquette Questions Q: I will be having six bridesmaids at our wedding and my fiancé has only asked three of his friends to be ushers. Don’t the numbers have to be even? A: Not necessarily. The people you have chosen to be in your wedding are special family members and friends. Don’t start adding just anybody to the group to even up the numbers. The only times the unevenness comes into play will be the procession back up the aisle and the wedding photos. In your case, the ushers can have a bridesmaid on each arm as they walk back up the aisle. And as to the stock wedding party photograph (bridesmaids on one side of the couple, ushers on the other): break tradition and mix the bridesmaids in with men. Just a note: do make sure that there are enough ushers to seat your female wedding guests in a timely fashion.….which is one of the usher’s main roles at a wedding.  Photo
© Mary Alice FisherQ: My parents are divorced and my father has remarried. How do I include my stepmother in the wedding and not take away any of my mother’s limelight? A: This is one of the thorniest situations faced at a wedding, but there is basic protocol that can be followed that will make your stepmother feel included, but will not dim the lights on your mom. First, your stepmother can be escorted to her seat after
all the guests are seated and before your fiance’s mother
walks down the aisle. She can be escorted by one of the ushers,
or someone else of your choosing. Your mother will then be
seated last, directly before the ushers unroll the aisle
runner. Second, your mother will walk back up the aisle (with
her escort) directly after the wedding party, and then your
father and stepmother will follow her. Then, at the reception,
your stepmother can stand off to the side of the receiving
line to chat with guests after they have wished you well.
And finally, your stepmother can dance with your father after
he has had his dance with you. Q: Two of my unattached bridesmaids want to bring dates to the wedding and our guest list is already too big. How do I nicely tell them “no?” A:. You are not obligated to have your attendants bring a guest. By now, your bridesmaids have met lots of you and your fiance’s other friends and family at the parties that have been held in your honor. Tell the two of them that you will place them at reception tables with one or two of the single men that they have met. And remind them that many romances have gotten their start at a wedding reception. Q. My fiancé has three considerably older sisters and he would like them to be bridesmaids. I, however, do not because I think it will look odd. How can I get my fiancé to agree with me? A. There are several other roles his sisters can play in your wedding that are just as important such as, giving a reading at the ceremony, or handing out the programs at the church entrance. At the reception, they could each give a toast (or a group toast) and have their own “first” dances with their newly married brother. Q: Can my bridesmaids wear black? A: Of course! Just have the style be appropriate to the time of day and venue. For example, long, black, silk bridesmaids dresses looks best at a formal setting in the evening. Q: I want to spend an hour having pictures taken of my fiancé and me and the wedding party at the church after our ceremony, so I want our reception to start after we are finished. The reception site is only a half mile down the road. My mother insists that the reception should start right away and she wants us all there. What do I do? A: Of course you should get the wedding pictures that you want, but do be considerate of your guests. It is always best to have the reception immediately follow the ceremony because if there is too much of a lag time (not including transportation time) between the two, you might find that some of your guests have visited a local watering hole, started the party without you and possibly arrive at the reception well after you have. With that in mind, try to take as many pictures before the ceremony as you can and then the rest at the reception. Presumably one of the reasons why you have chosen your reception site is because it is pretty. So, why not take advantage of the venue? Q: Do we really have to have a receiving line? A: Receiving lines perform important functions at a wedding.
It ensures that you will have at least greeted each of your
guests and thanked them for coming. If you don’t have a receiving
line, you might not be able to chat with everyone as you
will be busy with picture taking, listening to toasts, eating
and dancing. To help the receiving line move faster, only
include your mothers, you and your fiancé. -- Cynthia Edmunds Hornblower was the Executive Editor at BRIDES Magazine for over 14 years. During her tenure at the magazine, she was a spokesperson for the $161 billion wedding market, as well as spearheaded the editorial branding initiatives that included wedding publications, wedding music CDs and industry seminars and events. In 2007, Mrs. Hornblower was also instrumental in creating and launching the publication's extensive collection of wedding stationery and accessories. |
